Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
