You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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