He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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