my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
