When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
