So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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