Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
