So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
