You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
