I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My feet surprised me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
