I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
