Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Pants are for mortals
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
