he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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