I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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