Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
