It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
