Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
