: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
