Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
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