Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
