I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
