seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
