i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize