Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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