There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
