I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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