I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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