Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
