I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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