Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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