the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
