I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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