Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize