So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
