gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
