just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We're too hungover to prance.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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