Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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