Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
