Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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