I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
