Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
