I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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