I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Be still, my beating vagina.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
