I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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