Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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