What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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