i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
