I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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