I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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