I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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