Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
