i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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