well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
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what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
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He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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