So drunk, too bad you don't want this
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
