My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize