i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
