So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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