So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
