He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
