i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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