your thong is hanging out like whoa
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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