He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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