I checked into jail on foursquare
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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