u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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