do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
