Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
