You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
