a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
