youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
