I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
