so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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