When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
