I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
