Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
