no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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