well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
