I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
