When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
