worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
