He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
