is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
