At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
